if i had to pitch my history to a hollywood producer
have to add a long lost dad, yeah half lothario, half loser
yes sir i would change my best friends' names and our nice, clean neighborhood
if i had to pitch my biopic to hollywood

i'd insert danger and dirt, i'd sexify the corporate sector
if i had to draft my adulthood for a hollywood director
i'd make each girl i kissed so glamorous and so misunderstood
if i had to pitch my biopic to hollywood

there's no money to be made in my lil' band, my job, my home
hollywood if holly could but holly can't so holly won't
and i'm not wedded to nonfiction it's a drama that i'm pitching
so don't be shy, sir, scriptwriter, i could use a few revisions
doctor me, rock a me, hithcock a me from head to foot
and then help me pitch my biopic to hollywood

i'll make my cat a chimp, my wife an ex-street girl done good
and i'll pitch my flick, my biopic to hollywood

when they rent the final version my peeps might be judgmental
cuz any resemblance to persons living or dead are purely coincidental
and when the credits roll over my soul, i myself might admit
i'd rather've had a good life than a big box office hit
if i had to pitch my biopic to hollywood

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